I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
