I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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