My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
