So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
