Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
