He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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