i will never coherently bang her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
