I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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