Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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