brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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