he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
