Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
