What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
