Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
