I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
