I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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