I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She bit a glass in half.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
