I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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