I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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