I cockslap morals
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is my gift to your gina
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
