You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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