Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
