watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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