Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
