I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
