Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
