she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
