I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
