hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
