I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm really into asian looking animals
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
