Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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