Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
