who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
