3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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