The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
