dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
