dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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