That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
