You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
