I can't breathe out the right side of my face
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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