cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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