Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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