Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
