my sisters under your porch take her home
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am one with the molecules
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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