Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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