so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
