Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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