I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
