i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
