Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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