Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Holy sore nipples Batman
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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