you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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