I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
