Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
