I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
