Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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