we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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