i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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