So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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