In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
