if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
