im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
