so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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