Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
