I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize