Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
