tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
