so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
