I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
