why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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