i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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