So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dear god my vagina.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
