All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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