Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize