Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
