i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
