Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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