I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
