I wish I only lived at night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
