i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
